I’ve received several messages and 911 calls about water falling from the sky. Folks, calm down. We’re gonna be ok. That stuff is called “rain”. We’ve reached out to several agencies north of us and they assure me we should not be alarmed.
There are a few things to be mindful of:
1.) Your grass may turn green. For those of you enjoying our new recreational marijuana legalization, don’t panic. I’m taking about your yard.
2.) It will cause madness in those who just washed their car. I’m getting further details on this one. Our Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) is on standby.
3.) Ladies, BEWARE OF BEING OUTSIDE AND WEARING THE COLOR WHITE!!! I’ll give an example. Say you got to run to Walmart real quick and throw on your boyfriend’s white t-shirt . If you get this stuff on you, the whole store is going to see your……just don’t do it! I don’t want an indecent exposure call in the frozen foods isle.
4.) Our local arroyos (“washes” for y’all who aren’t from here) may turn into rivers. Don’t grab your new boat and try to be the first one to the dock! Stay away!
5.) We have it on good authority that a thing called “lightning” may come down from the heavens. It’s a bolt of electricity. Don’t try to catch it. You’ll die or at best develop a stutter. This maybe followed up by “th….thu……thunder”. A loud sound, you know the one that Garth Brooks sang about. Hold on to your pets. They don’t like it.
6.) Most important! The road becomes wet and your car doesn’t stop as fast. I suggest slowing down. Besides, in this economy you can’t find a new car if you total yours.
This has been a public safety message provided to you by your local Sheriff. THANK GOD FOR THE RAIN!!! WE NEEDED IT.
Sheriff Ferrari
Original source can be found here.
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